Of Up Selling - It's really not that difficult

I went into my friend's pizza takeaway last week in Belfast. I suppose I wasn't in the best of moods.
His pizza business is not going well due largely I guess to the presence of three competitors including Domino's with 3 miles of his joint.
My friend wasn't there. One of the assistants saw me come in but and I waited for a greeting which never came. I would have settled for eye contact and a smile but it just wasn't going to be my night. At the counter I waited for him to say something. He didn't. Neither did I. There was a pregnant embarrassing pause until he finally relented and said "Yes please". " I'd like a medium pizza with extra mushrooms" I proclaimed. "Is that it?" he replied adding that it was £5.50 before I had been given an opportunity to respond. It was but then suddenly it wasn't. "No it's not" I said. "I'd like you to ask me something". Another pregnant silent pause followed. "I'd like you to ask me if I would like anything to drink with my pizza". He duly did and fetched a bottle of water out of the fridge."Is that it?" he demanded again. "No it's not" I spat back "I'd like you to ask me if I would like anything else" as I stared directly at the Ben & Jerry ice cream on the shelf below the bottles of water. I could see he was becoming very irritated and this pleased me.
"Would you like anything else?" he protested. "Yes please I'd like some choc chip ice cream please". "Now how much do I owe your boss more than £5.50p. "£11.50" he begrudged me.
I watched him prepare and bake my pizza to make sure nothing was added except extra mushrooms.
.

Of Early Morning Thank Yous

I awoke this morning determined to rise early and get to the pool in good time and a gentle pace becoming of 6.30a.m.. It didn't happen.
I was out the door in good time but half way to the pool I realised I'd left my soap in the house. I diverted to the newsagent to buy some on my way. On arrival I realised I was out of change. No problem I thought I'll use the cash dispenser inside the shop. But it was out of order. I tore over to the one at Tesco where I faced my first dilemma of the day :buy soap at Tesco or head back to the shop to get it there. Not as easy as you may think for the lady in the shop is a little darling. She works hard, gets up at the crack of dawn and deserves my wonga far more than Tesco. I headed back to the shop, grabbed the last bottle of soap and jumped in the queue behind four others. Whilst waiting I observed that the shopkeeper said "Thank you" after she had told the customer the price. "Thank you" again when taking the payment and thank you finally when handing out any change. Three "Thank yous" per customer four customers in front of me made 12 every 5 minutes or at least 120 an hour upwards of a thousand a day I thought as I thanked her for her change.
I raced to the leisure centre now running late cursing for not saving myself all this stress in the morning by doing a quick check before leaving the house.
As I entered the pool area the attendant asked me if I had used the male changing rooms first thing yesterday. When I assured him I had he replied" Oh cos ya left your bottle of soap which I kept for you. Here it is". "Thank you" I said. Or at least I hoped I did.

Of Windy Ways

Boy it's windy out there. There were 6ft waves in the pool this morning. The girls look more like feather dusters than hens (therein may lie their ulitmate fate perhaps?) and well it's real "nail ya kids to the floor boards" stuff.

The last time I experienced anything that bettered this was in Cuba. We were all having fun watching poolside parasols lift into the air and land some 100 metres or so away in the sea until it also lifted one of the hotel guests and deposited him straight in one of the pools promptly followed by a sun lounger to boot. The poor fellow was in quite a state I felt so guilty for laughing for ages afterwards. Cinco segundos to be exact.

Of a Great Shopping and a Reliable Driving Experience

I went shopping early this morning for a bag of chicken pellets for the girls at Greenmount Stores in Antrim. This is shopping as it used to be : old fashion style. Once inside, the man behind the counter asked me what I had done with my MG and how it compared with the BM I was in today. I explained it was far more exciting in the MG. In the BM you know you'll always get to where you are going. I added, but there's a certain smell about the interior of an MG of real upholstery and of when Britain used to be great. He replied "Yes I'm just about old enough to remember that. But it rusts and falls apart too easily" he replied "The MG or Britain?" his mate interjected" We all laughed.

It was nice to see you again today Sir said the shop assistant as he loaded my bag of pallets into the boot.
Boy this is great shopping I thought as I drove away - can't wait till I need another bag of chicken pellets...

Of Not Proven Your Honour

Of 10 Great Pairs of Lungs

I'm currently listening to Adele's latest album 21. Boy it's good. I don't think I've been this excited about a female artist's album since Kate Bush rocked my world with The Kick Inside. There's something about a great female voice that once let go it just wraps around you body and soul. So here's my top ten of favourite female singers/voices :

1. Janice Joplin
2. Ella Fitzgerald
3. Ruby Turner
4. Kate Bush
5. Shirley Bassey
6. Barbara Streisand
7. Dolly Parton
8. Adele
9. Carly Simon
10. Christine Collister

"I will always love you.....oooo"

Of Sounding Off About War n Peace

I discovered today that there are support groups online for those in the process of reading War and Peace! One member advises you to read another much shorter book whilst attempting W&P just to remind you that it is possible to finish books!
I'm on page 300 having knocked off another 10 pages this morning whilst walking the neighbour's dog. Now you may be forgiven for contriving a mental picture of me walking along the river's edge whilst also peering at a thick clump of a book but it was not like this. Instead, I walked Isla to a picnic bench where I sat and read for half an hour while she brought me a stick which I promptly threw in the hedge which she would retrieve some 5 minutes later when the process would begin all over again.
The novel is so heavy that when I left it on the passenger seat of the batmobile the alarm sounded indicating that  whoever was on the aforementioned seat wasn't wearing a seat belt.I've worked it out that if I can do 10 pages every day I'll have finished it by the end of October. Onwards Soldiers! Bravely!