Of Journeys Short and Long

I'm off to Geneva this weekend to see an old Venezuelan friend. Oswaldo is someone I met in Caracas at a human rights conference in 1988 and afterwards we travelled through Venezuela, Columbia and Ecuador on what was to turn out to be an epic journey full of laughter, singing, dancing, stress, angst, hardship and I guess an awful lot of silly risk taking. For me that part of the world was fascinating if only for its contradictions and contrasts. It was dangerous, violent and completely unpredictable. Juxtaposed with this was an area of outstanding beauty - and people who were warm, relaxed, welcoming and friendly.

Oswaldo is now a diplomat at the UN and married with kids. I can't wait to find out what else he has been up to in the past two decades and to meet his wife and family. I'm curious too to know what he remembers about our trip and how he saw it then and recalls it now.

He was a true rebel in those days. I can't wait to hear his response when I ask him Qué piensa usted de Hugo Chavez Oswaldo? Vamos!

Of Checking Your Mirror and Over Your Shoulder

I was nicked yesterday for driving whilst on my mobile. I was on the road to Derry/Londonderry when boredom struck and I thought I'd call a friend for no other reason than it would break the monotony of the long drive. I had checked the rear view mirror but saw no sign of the long arm of the law in hot pursuit.

The police were very polite and professional about it as they dished out my fixed penalty of 3 points together with a £60 fine. They asked me what I did for a living. I didn't want them to live off the fact for weeks on end back at the station that they'd nicked a lawyer in a sports car. So I told them I was a hairdresser.

Derry/Londonderry always amazes me. Everyone you speak to is either related to the person you're talking about or at least knows them. You can tell whenever a Derry person is about to tell you something confidential because they look over their shoulder first to see if there's anyone who's in earshot. If there is, there's a good chance they'll know who you're talking about and that your highly confidential conversation will soon be all round town.

Of Laying for Ulster

I swam 40 lengths of the pool this morning with my swimming coach Bruce - although he did sprint off during the last 10 and left me well behind. He tells me that he's trying to lose weight and that he's lost a stone in the last two months. He assured me that it was a combination of more exercise and a diet designed for him by slimworld. When I asked him if that meant good bye to the Ulster Fry he replied "Oh no only the bread I still have my five rashes of bacon, two double yoked eggs, mushrooms and beans for lunch". There's no stopping some.

I had my friend and hen consultant, John McKee, over to advise on my production problem yesterday evening. He reckoned the hens may not be laying because they need some decent green food. I was thinking of moving them to different grass when he said " A lettuce should do the job". Habsburg or Cos lettuce I wondered as I thought they're beginning to get fed better than me at the moment.

1 egg a day between four of them. Not even enough to supply an Ulster Fry for a day. I think I'm going to have to have words.

Of Selling to the Converted

I was at a sales seminar on Saturday delivered by sales guru and author, Richard Denny. My, this guy's impressive. In fact he was so good I spent a good part of the rest of weekend reading his book "Selling to Win".

Here's what I picked up from both :

* Successful sales people have three main elements : Product Knowledge, Skills and Attitude.

* Both sales person and customer must be winners in a transaction

* Think on behalf of your customers. Go on thinking "How can I help this person".

* The more you sell to a customer them more likely you are to keep them

* Your "No not today list is vitally important to your business"

* A good sales person is not pushey but pulley

* Decisions to buy : 84% of the decisions are based on emotion not logic

* Be proud of your price. Never apologise about your price when putting it up.

* Remember 5% buy because the price is the highest. 25% because it's the cheapest. 70% buy because its the best value.

* Incentivize : the fear of loss is a strong selling technique. You spend more time looking for the lost £10 note than trying to earn £10.

* Don't ever give the next move to the customer. For example, letters which state "please don't hesitate to contact me should you require further assistance" might be better as "I will call you on Tuesday to discuss your needs further"

* If asked for a discount you must exchange something. For example, better payment terms or guarantee of further orders. *Risk Reversal - back what you do with a money back guarantee

* It's desire not ability that determines success.

Other stuff including power phrases :

* One certainty is that you have got YOU for the rest of your life. You might as well invest in it

* A person going nowhere normally gets there with ease.

* Seeing ourselves professing motivates us

* Success by the inch is a cinch but by the yard is hard. When setting goals start with the first one that can be achieved in just three months.

* A man goes into a hardware shop and says I want a quarter inch drill. The shop keeper says "No you don't Sir. You want a quarter inch hole". Always keep the focus on the result and you'll ask better questions

* If you don't stand for anything you fall for anything.

* You judge a person by the size of their thinking

* When closing a deal. Tell them the price then shut up! Shut right up!

* Sales is about LUCK : Labour Under Correct Knowledge * Your sales literature must state clearly the results to be expected following the purchase - highlights the benefits

* To be an interesting person all you have to be is Interested

I must apply all of this to how we sell our training centre in Northern Ireland

Of The History of School Days

For some reason I took a notion last night to Google my old history teacher, Mr Vickery and see if there was any record of him. I really liked Mr Vickery and his subject and we got on well. He was in his late 50s and I got the sense that he was really fed up with the school and I could see why even then. Classes were out of control, morale was really low (I could tell that from the number of arguments you could hear coming from the teachers' staff room as you went by on the way to assembly) and violence in the school was common place. That's violence between pupils and from pupils to staff. A colleague of Mr Vickery's got caught up in a fight with a fifth year in the play ground one winter's afternoon. He was the school chemistry teacher and approaching retirement. No sooner had the teacher put his "gloves up" than he was decked and out cold for a good few seconds. We never saw the teacher again.

Mr Vickery was enraged by this and the fact that another boy, the school bully, hadn't been expelled for beating up and cracking the ribs of one of the prefects. He didn't exactly tell us this. What loyalty he had left for the school prevented him from doing so but you could tell by the look on his face when you asked him what happened after each incident and indeed what was going to happen now. He'd reply biting his lip "No action is expected son" as anger and frustration welled up in his face.

According to Google Mr Vickery died in 1996. The only record of him online is an obituary. Strange that sometimes online you only really exist when you depart this world.

Incidentally, the school bully I came across on Friends United a while back. He left a message telling everyone that he'd love to hear from anyone that knew or remembered him.

Funny world innit?

Of Teenage Kicks

I was at a seminar yesterday. As part of the touchy-feely get-to-know-each-other section of the event we had to do an elevator speech about who you are and what your organisation does in just one minute. An extra requirement was that whenever it was your turn to listen if the person said something really interesting you had to say "Oh that's really interesting. Tell me more".

I listened to the first lady. She worked for an organisation that teaches sexual health to teenagers. She explained that her organisation tries to promote sexual health among teenagers by encouraging them to abstain. "That's really interesting " I declared "Tell me more. How do you do that?". She said "We encourage them to do other things instead" "That's really interesting" I replied "Like what?". "Like bath together instead" she said. Time up was called as I failed to suppress a teenage giggle and moved on.

Of An Age of Space Ships and Prompt Departures

I've just finished reading "The Other Side of the Sky" being my first introduction to Sci Fi. I wish someone had told me that it was a collection of short stories, because no-one did until I read the 1 review of the book on Amazon just now. So I spent all of the book trying to work out the connection between each "Chapter" only to realise there isn't one. Der!

If the book makes me want to jump on a space ship and fly away then so does British culture at the moment. I think I'm beginning to dislike or at least disown my own nationality. It seems to me that the Brits are becoming increasingly obsessed with looks, youth, celebrity and I can't help but think the Lonely Planet Guide got it right when they said "genteel traditions are eroded by an obsession with TV talent shows, junk food, binge-drinking and porn". I mean what is the point of a programme called "10 years younger" what does it achieve other than to suggest that we should be even more ageist than we already are?

Each time I boot up the PC MSN default page prompts me to click on headline news that a Spice Girl is pregnant again or that Katie Price is in love with her latest man. The biggest news questions being asked right now is "is Parade the new Spice Girls?. What is worse is that I'm beginning to click on these links curious to find out if there is anything of more substance in the story than the headlines suggest and of course there never is. Der.